Helpful ways forward
Starting the coversation
The most helpful way you can improve all kinds of relationships, particularly those with people who matter the most to you, is to communicate as openly as possible.
Contemplating and doing this may lead to some tricky thoughts and feelings showing up; that’s just likely to be a bit of natural anxiety popping up temporarily. You have the option to tolerate these feelings until they naturally pass in the service of better relationships with people you value in the longer-term.
Here are some ideas for improving your communication with others about diabetes. Click on each item for more information:
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If you are someone who has someone in your life with diabetes – the most helpful thing you can do is to also consider your communication style. Click on each item below for some ideas for improving communication with people you care about who live with diabetes.
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Helpful ways forward… Consider whether you might be playing a part in what’s tricky?
It can be hard to reflect on our own role in what is tricky in any relationship, but being aware of the unhelpful ways we think and respond can be really useful and in itself help to turn things around.
Be honest with yourself – gently and kindly – and think about any vicious cycles that may have been set up. Here are some common ones:
- It’s understandable to feel overwhelmed by diabetes at times, and respond by sticking your head in the sand, avoiding checking glucose levels or even thinking about your diabetes needs. In turn, this can make people around you feel more anxious and try more assertively to be helpful/tell you what you need to do….which just leads to you feeling frustrated and burying your head deeper.
- Maybe you’re feeling a bit anxious about diabetes and this is leading to you getting carried away with checking and thinking and talking about glucose levels. Maybe it’s on your mind a lot and it’s becoming hard to focus on other things that matter in life. People don’t want to upset you, so they have backed off a little and you notice they often try to steer conversations away from diabetes onto different things.
- Maybe you say “I’m okay/fine” when anyone asks you how you’re doing; or try and hide the symptoms if your glucose levels are high/low to prevent people worrying or commenting.
By trying to be honest with yourself and those around you about what you are struggling with, you can start to take steps together to improve your diabetes self-management, whilst reducing the likelihood of your loved ones falling into the trap of pestering you or stepping back too far.
Helpful ways forward…Encourage help that works for you
Encourage the people who care about you to channel their energies in ways that are genuinely supportive and useful to you.
Be clear about the kind of help you’d welcome from them and what this may look like. Some of these may be practical or concrete things (e.g measuring portion sizes/carbs in a meal they are cooking for you, or bearing in mind that you will benefit from knowing about meal timings.) Others may be more emotionally supportive (e.g. if you feel someone is pestering you to check your glucose more, you might ask them instead to encourage you with a smile or a hug when they do notice you checked.)
If certain key relationships are still difficult after you’ve tried a few of the above suggestions over time, it may be worth talking to the specialist diabetes team. Having someone who understands diabetes and is neutral can be helpful in thinking with you about next steps forward. Your emotional well-being with diabetes is as important as the physical side of things, so don’t be afraid to ask your team for support.
Go to ‘Diabetes and your relationship with others’ to return to the main topic page, or choose another section.
Read and understood.
I have been T1 for 50 yrs, and can really see a HUGE benefit in the way that T1 diabetes is managed today; from both a patient viewpoint and from the medical viewpoint. There is so much more help in today’s world. I am positive about my diabetes and i have great support from home and from my doctor asnd his diabetic team.
It is tough to manage, and it needs the input. Do get despondant!
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Lucky to have a very supportive working environment and partner
Mostly everyone in my life is supportive and encouraging.